How Bakura Stole Christmas
by LariaKaiba
Summary: Twas the night before Christmas, and all Bakura wants is for this damn holiday to be over. After Marik drops by with some holiday cheer, the spirit thinks of the perfect way to get rid of it... He's going to steal it.


**---I love holiday stories. I really love Christmas in general. Every year I try to think of a great story so I can write wintry Christmas scenes. Writing snowy scenes is my absolute favorite.**

**No snowy scenes made it into this story, however. But I'm fine with that because this story has surpassed every one of my other stories for my top favorite. It's very good.**

**I'm dedicating this story to my awesome friend, Jeffery. She is the Marik to my Bakura.**

**And also to my dad for all the figgy pudding info. If anyone has any questions on the subject of figgy, christmas, or plum puddings you can now ask me. Thanks to him I am a somewhat expert on the subject.**

**With out further ado... The story!---**

* * *

**How Bakura Stole Christmas**  
By: Laria Kaiba

---(--)---

_The more the Grinch thought,__  
Of what Christmas would bring.__  
The more the Grinch thought:  
'I must stop this whole thing!'_

_'For year after year,__  
I've put up with it now.  
__I must stop this Christmas from coming,  
But how?'_

---(--)---

**It was Christmas Eve,** Bakura sat on the couch draped in every blanket in the house, yet he still shivered. He hated the cold... he hated all of winter. It never got this bloody cold in Egypt! The temperature just made him even more bitter then he already was.

He growled as he sank deeper into the warm blankets, and continued to watch _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_ on TV. It may have been a lame cartoon, but the spirit could really relate to the main character.

He, too, hated the whole Christmas season.

The movie had just got to a good part where the Grinch was up on his mountain top ranting and raving when Ryou walked into the room wearing a festive sweater.

"Now I think we have everything," he said out loud to himself as he paced the living room. Bakura shot him a glare and grabbed the remote, turning the volume up as the other spoke, "And you're going to have to put all those blankets away when we get back. I'll at least need one on my bed so I don't catch a cold or something."

Bakura growled again, the TV volume was up all the way and still Ryou insisted on talking over it. The Grinch was going over his brilliant plan to ruin Christmas.

"Come on, yami, it's time to go."

The spirit threw the remote in anger and tightly gripped the blankets around him.

"Why do _I _have to go to this stupid party?" he asked, "I don't even _like_ any of those freaks!"

Ryou pouted, Bakura glared even harder.

"Please do it for me, yami?" Ryou's bottom lip stuck out so far is didn't seem physically possible... but yet it was so cute.

"Oh no you don't, yandonushi," Bakura said, "Don't you even think about giving me those puppy eyes!"

Ryou gave him his puppy eyes, Bakura melted.

In a matter of minutes they were in the car on their way to Yugi's, the spirit grumbling the whole time because he missed the ending of his movie.

---(--)---

**The party was lame and boring.** Bakura couldn't believe that once again he had been dragged to that little dweebs house by his light. How did this keep happening? What happened to the mighty King of Thieves he used to be? Damn it, the boy was making him soft.

While everyone else sat around the living room talking and carrying on, Bakura stood in the corner, glaring at anyone that would come near. The only one that came over, however, was Seto Kaiba.

"Fancy seeing you here," the CEO said coolly.

"Like wise," Bakura said lazily, not interested in anything Seto had to say to him, "Shouldn't you be home kicking puppies or something?"

"Shouldn't you be home playing _Pretty, Pretty Princess?_" Seto retorted.

"Damn it! That was one time!" Bakura snapped.

"That's not the way Marik tells it," Seto grinned.

"Well that Egyptian is an ass, and if he keeps talking about that I'm gonna kick him in the teeth," Bakura grumbled.

Seto only laughed at him.

"So what are you doing here anyways?" Bakura asked, changing the subject before he kicked Seto in the teeth too, something the spirit knew his hikari would not approve of, "I didn't think you believed in all this crap."

"I _don't _believe in all your occult crap, or their love crap" said Seto, "I _do_, however, believe in the real meaning of Christmas: _presents_."

"You're such a great role model for kids," Bakura rolled his eyes.

Speaking of kids, at that moment the youngest Kaiba ambled over with bright eyes.

"Look big brother!" Mokuba pointed above their heads, "It's mistletoe!"

Bakura and Seto looked up to see a bunch of green leaves hanging from the ceiling between them.

"You know what that means," The CEO said coyly, leaning in close to the spirit.

"You put those filthy lips on me and so help me, you will not walk out of this house," Bakura threatened.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't kiss you if you were the last," Seto stood up and looked him over, "_Thing_ on Earth."

Bakura's eyes flashed with rage and he took a swing at Seto. The CEO stepped out of the way just in time, causing the spirit's fist to collide with the wall, which was hard and unforgiving. Upon impact Bakura swore loudly, Seto laughed, and everyone stopped to look over at them.

"Well that was fun," Seto smirked as Bakura clutched his hand, pain in his eyes, "It's time to go, Mokuba."

"Aww do we have to big brother?" Mokuba whined, "We're just about to have coco and sing carols!"

"We're going," the eldest Kaiba said forcefully, turning and heading towards the door. Mokuba pouted and said quick good-byes, following his brother out the door. The rest of the guests shot Bakura a quick glance before returning to their festivities.

With his uninjured hand the spirit plucked the mistletoe off the ceiling and threw it into the fire burning in the hearth.

"I fucking hate this holiday."

---(--)---

**It was getting late,** the fire was burning out and the last of the guests had left. Ryou had offered to stay and help Yugi clean up. Bakura and Atemu sat in complete silence in the living room glaring at each other. Anyone not familiar with the two spirits would assume they were locked in an epic staring contest. In reality, neither wanted to take their eyes off the other... especially after Bakura almost punched a hole in the wall.

Ryou walked into the room with his coat. Neither of the spirits moved.

"Alright, yami, it's time to go," Ryou yawned.

"I'm not leaving," said Bakura, still not looking away from Atemu.

"Get the fuck out of my house," the former Pharaoh said quickly after Bakura announced he wasn't leaving.

"Make me."

"I don't have too," Atemu said smugly, "There's a nice wall you can punch over there."

"I'm not leaving," Bakura repeated.

Ryou rubbed his temples and sighed, Bakura was great at giving him headaches.

"You didn't even want to come here in the first place," said Ryou, "Why don't you want to leave now?"

"You said we weren't leaving till we got some figgy pudding," Bakura said, finally looking away from Atemu with a pout.

"What?"

"You all said they were going to bring you figgy pudding, and that you weren't going till you got some," the spirit explained, "Well I never got any fucking pudding, so I'm not leaving."

"Do you even _know_ what figgy pudding is, Raider?" Atemu asked.

"It's pudding," Bakura crossed his arms over his chest pompously, "I _know_ what pudding is, duh!"

"There is no pudding, yami," Ryou sighed again, "It's just a song."

"What?"

"We were singing _We Wish You A Merry Christmas_," said Ryou, "There is no real figgy pudding."

"Damn it, what kind of retard just sings about fake pudding," Bakura complained.

"Can't we just _go!_" Ryou insisted.

---(--)---

**It took a forever to convince Bakura** that there was, in fact, no figgy pudding, or pudding of any kind. But eventually they were finally able to leave the Motou house.

"I'm really sorry about my yami," Ryou apologized again as he, Atemu, and Yugi stood on the porch saying good-bye.

"It's alright, Ryou," said Atemu, "It's not your fault he's like that."

"I know..."

"Listen, we're having Christmas brunch tomorrow and you're welcome to join us," Atemu said, "But it'll probably be best if _he_ stays home."

The former Pharaoh motioned towards the other spirit who was knocking the head off the snowman Yugi had built earlier that day. Ryou shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry, again," he said softly, turning from them and walking off the porch over to his other self. He huffed as he passed the spirit, "Come on!"

"Woah, what's wrong, yandonushi?" Bakura asked as they got into the car.

"Why do you always have to do this to me?" Ryou snapped, slamming his door shut.

"Do what?"

"Embarrass me in front of all my friends!" Ryou ranted, "Every time we go out you have to act like a complete _ass!_"

Bakura could tell his light was really upset, Ryou _never _swore.

"Well if it bothers you so much then stop dragging over to that morons house," Bakura rolled his eyes.

"It's Christmas time, yami," Ryou growled, "I'm _sorry_ that I wanted everyone to spend time together."

"Why would you want that?" Bakura asked.

"You don't even know the true meaning of Christmas do you?" Ryou said with a hint of sadness in his voice. A hint that Bakura completely missed when he answered:

"Crappy decorations and cheap presents?"

Ryou sighed and dropped the subject. The two sat in silence all the way home.

---(--)---

**When they got home** Ryou took all the blankets back to their respective spots in the house and then retired to his room for the night. Bakura wasn't tired yet, so he laid on the couch and continued to watch the crappy Christmas specials that assaulted his TV.

He wasn't focused though, his thoughts kept drifting back to earlier. Why was his hikari so upset over some stupid holiday?

_Thunk._

Bakura sat up.

_Thunk._

"What the...?" the spirit got up and went to the window, he was sure someone had thrown something at it. He opened the window to look out when a rock collided with his head. Bakura swore loudly again and stumbled back, holding his head. Glancing out the window again he saw a familiar blonde outside in the yard doubling over in laughter.

"Ishtar!" Bakura roared out the window.

"Oh man!" Marik tired hard to get a hold of himself, "That was the perfect throw!"

"What the hell do you want, Ishtar?" Bakura grumbled, leaning on the windowsill still rubbing his head.

"Just wanted to spread some holiday cheer," Marik shrugged, once he regained his composure.

"Well go spread it somewhere else," Bakura turned away from him, "I still haven't forgiven you yet."

Another rock flew through the window and hit him square in the back of the head.

"Ra - Mother fu- damn it!" Bakura fell to his knees holding the back of his head.

"Why are you mad at me, man?" Marik asked, climbing through the window with a bag.

"Well for starters you keep throwing rocks at my damn head," Bakura said through clenched teeth, glaring up at the Egyptian, "And you had to go and tell Kaiba what happened last time you graced us with your presences."

"And showed him pictures," Marik chuckled.

Bakura glowered and crawled over to the couch. Marik flopped down next to the spirit after he had pulled himself up onto it.

"Go away, Ishtar," the spirit said.

"Oh come on 'Kura!" the blonde whined, "I wasn't the one that made you play that game, it was Ryou, I just had the camera."

Bakura rolled his eyes.

"That boys got you so whipped," Marik mused out loud. Bakura shot him another glare.

"Is there a reason you're here, Ishtar?"

"Ah!" Marik's eyes lit up, "Like I said, I brought you some holiday cheer!"

From his bag the blonde produced a bottle of Peppermint Schnapps and two small drinking glasses with snowflakes on them. A smiled crossed Bakura's lips.

"I love you, Ishtar."

"I know," Marik grinned, pouring them both a glass, "Everyone does."

---(--)---

**An hour later** half the bottle was gone and both the yamis were feeling the effects. Bakura chugged a full glass before slamming it down on the coffee table. Marik was laying in Bakura's lap, empty glass in hand and glazed over eyes.

"Merry Christmas, baby," Bakura slurred, running a hand through the blondes spiky hair, "I'm as lit as the Christmas tree."

Marik giggled, taking the spirits hand in his own. He brought it to his mouth and kissed it softly. It was only then he realized that Bakura's knuckle was an awful shade of black and blue.

"What happened here?" he asked, running one of his long fingers over the bruise.

"Huh?" Bakura looked down at his hand, "Oh yeah, that's from when I tried punching Kaiba at the _lame_ party my yandonushi dragged me too."

Bakura moved his hand away from the Egyptian and poured himself another drink.

"This is the only good thing that's happened today," Bakura said leaning back into the couch. Marik watched intently as the spirit swirled the clear liquid in the glass, "First the cold, then having to go to that stupid Pharaohs house, and now Ryou's all pissy at me for some reason."

Bakura shot daggers at the liquid as if it offended him greatly.

"It's all because of this stupid holiday," he continued, "What's so great about it anyway? It's just an excuse for everyone to be greedy and weasel as much crap out of each other as they can."

"Yeah," Marik agreed, "Maybe it would be better if it never came at all."

"If only there was some way we could stop it," said Bakura taking a long drink from the glass. And then he got an idea.

An awful idea.

Bakura got a wonderful, _awful_ idea.

"That's it," the spirit whispered, "We'll steal Christmas."

"Do what now?" Marik asked, sitting up.

"Steal Christmas!" Bakura said excitedly, "Take all the presents, those stupid lights and decorations. Then they couldn't celebrate this asinine holiday anymore. It'll be just like the Cinch!"

"... You mean the _Grinch_?"

"Whatever," Bakura waved the correction off, "I watched it today, he stole Christmas and ruined everything for the Whos, I can't see why we can't do the same thing."

"Did you happen to catch the ending to that?" Marik asked, having watched it himself earlier that same day.

"I saw what I needed too," said Bakura jumping off the couch, "Now come on, it'll be fun! They all deserve it anyway for all this foolishness."

Marik had to admit that the late night escapade with Bakura was sure to be fun, and he could never resist a chance to see the spirits skills in action. He was, however, the former King of Thieves. If anyone could steal Christmas, it was Bakura.

"Let's do it," Marik grinned.

"I knew you'd agree," said Bakura, "Now we just need a few things."

Bakura left the room and Marik could hear rummaging, and the occasional stumble from all the Peppermint Schnapps, from the other room.

"What are you doing?" the blonde called.

"If we're going to do this, we need to do it right," Bakura called back, "We need to be in disguise."

The spirit returned with a flourish of a long red coat.

"And with this coat, and this hat," he placed a Santa hat on his head with evil grin, "I'll look _just_ like St. Nick."

Marik giggled and clapped, this was going to be the best.

---(--)---

**They packed the booze** and glasses back into Marik's bag of holiday cheer, stole Ryou's keys, and were now standing out by the car making up a game plan.

"We'll hit that dimwitted Pharaoh's house first," Bakura explained, pointing to a house on a self drawn map of Domino, "Then we'll hit that mutt's house on our way to your house. Lastly, we'll hit fancy pant's mansion."

"Sounds good to me, Santa 'Kura," Marik nodded, "But before we go..."

He reached into his bag and pulled out a can of spray paint.

"You brought spray paint with you?" Bakura asked.

"You never know when you need spray paint," Marik shurgged, "Like now, if we're going incognito we might as well go all out."

With that the blonde leaned over and sprayed _'THE SLEIGH'_ onto the side of Ryou's car.

"Nice," Bakura chuckled, "Now we're just missing one more thing."

"What?"

Bakura stumbled over to the nearest tree and broke two branches off. The spirit then returned to the blonde, sticking the branches into his spiky hair, which was so unruly it held them prefectly in place.

"Santa and his sleigh needs a reindeer," Bakura explained.

"You're a bastard," Marik grumbled, poking one of the branches... it wouldn't budge.

"Love you too," Bakura said, leaning over and pecking the blonde on the cheek, "Now let's get this road on the show. We've got us a Christmas to steal!"

---(--)---

**Santa 'Kura and his faithful reindeer, Marik,** pulled up in their "sleigh" outside of the Motou house just after midnight. The two quietly exited the vehicle and made their way up the porch and to the front door. Upon reaching the doorknob, the spirit jiggled it to find that it was locked.

"How do they expect Santa to visit them when they're all shut up so tightly?" Bakura mused with an evil grin. Marik giggled as the spirit closed his eyes, using the powers of the Millennium Ring to unlock the door.

The door swung open and they stepped over the threshold. It was only then did Bakura realize just how much Christmas crap had been at this house. He hadn't paid the slightest bit of attention the last time he was here. It seemed like everything was Christmas.

"I think we're going to need a bigger sleigh," Marik said as if reading Bakura's thoughts.

"Don't worry," said Bakura, determined, "I'll make it fit."

And so commenced the stealing of Christmas.

They worked quickly and quietly taking down everything. They took every light, they took every bow, they took every throw pillow. Piles upon piles of presents, and greenery, and nicknacks were shoved into the trunk of THE SLEIGH.

Soon, all that was left was the tree. Bakura stood next to it, checking it out. It was a real tree, but it wasn't too tall. It was held up by one wire, just to be certain that it wouldn't fall over. This was going to be easy.

"If you go start the car," the spirit said to Marik, "I'll be right out with this and then we can move on to the next unsuspecting house."

The blonde nodded and went to the car. They had found a pair of wire cutters earlier, which was nice because a lot of the decorations had been wired up in the house. Bakura gripped them in his hand and, standing on a chair, reached up and snipped the wire holding the tree up.

It was a good thing that the wire was there, cause as soon as Bakura snipped it the tree crashed down to the floor loudly. Some of the glass balls shattered on impact, while a lot of the plastic ones bounced over the floor.

"That was a bad idea," the spirit said quietly to himself, "Hopefully no one heard that."

He wasn't so lucky though. As he grabbed the tree and started shoving it out the door he heard someone behind him.

"Santa?"

It was a very tired sounding Pharaoh. Bakura froze, but didn't look back.

"What are you doing?" Atemu asked, half asleep.

"None of your damn business," Santa 'Kura snapped, continuing to shove the tree out the front door. Atemu merely shrugged and went back upstairs. The spirit had just got the whole tree outside when he heard the Pharaoh pause at the top of the stairs.

"What a minute..." Atemu said, looking back down at just who was taking the tree, "_**Bakura!**_"

"Oh Ra damn it!" the spirit exclaimed after he heard the Pharaoh yell his name. He pushed the tree into the car as fast as he could. Marik was sitting in the driver seat rocking out to _All I Want For Christmas Is You_ by My Chemical Romance. Bakura jumped into the passenger seat before Atemu busted out of the house after him.

"_Go!_" the spirit yelled, but it was not heard over the blasting emo music.

"What?" Marik asked, turning the music down.

"_**Go!**_" Bakura repeated frantically, pointing out the window. Marik looked over to see an enraged Pharaoh storming over to the car, yelling.

"Oh shit!"

The blonde threw the car into drive and stomped on the gas pedal. The two flew away from the house, laughing now that they were out of the Pharaoh's reach.

---(--)---

**It took the two a while** to find the next stop. Ryou's group of friends mostly only gathered at Yugi's house, so Bakura had no idea where most of them lived. He had, however, been to Jonouchi's place once or twice. But when it was dark and you're full of Peppermint Schnapps, it's very difficult to find anything you're not too familiar with.

"Oh, oh, that's it," Bakura said pointing to the other side of the street.

"Are you sure this time?"

They had stopped many times already cause the spirit was "sure" that it was the right place.

"I'm _positive_," said Bakura, squinting over at it, making sure he _was_ positive, "I swear I'm right this time."

"If you say so."

THE SLEIGH pulled up to a stop just outside a small set of apartments. They sat for a second while Bakura then tried to remember which _one_ it actually was before Santa 'Kura and his trusty reindeer set out.

They still ended up breaking into three apartments before finding the one they wanted.

As the door to apartment 12b swung open with help from the Millennium Ring, the two looked in to see a very empty living area. Asleep on the couch was Jonouchi.

"See, I told you this was the right place," Bakura grinned.

"It was dumb luck mostly," said Marik, rolling his eyes.

"Well, whatever," Bakura dismissed, "We're here now aren't we?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't look like we'll be staying long," Marik said, noting that the apartment held nothing Christmasy whatsoever, save for a single snow-globe that sat on the coffee table. Bakura scoffed.

"I knew the mutt was poor, but I didn't think it was that bad."

Bakura did notice that once the Christmas season started Jonouchi no longer invited anyone over to his apartment. Was he embarrassed cause he didn't have decorations like everyone else? What an idiotic reason to not have friends over. This whole holiday was making Bakura sick.

"I'll take _two_ Madison Square Gardens," Jonouchi mumbled in his sleep, rolling over. This brought the spirit out of his thoughts.

"Well, since we spent all this time trying to find the place, we might as well make it worth our while," said Bakura, scoping the room, "You get the snow-globe, I'll get the DVD player."

In a matter of seconds their ransack of the house was complete. They threw the two items in the back seat with the tree and decided that they were hungry, so they went back to raid the fridge. It was nearly as empty as the rest of the apartment. They almost felt bad for taking some food... _Almost_.

---(--)---

**The third stop on their adventure** was Marik's own house. His counterpart and half-brother, Rishid, were spending the holiday in Egypt. The blonde had opted not to go, but the lack of people in the house did not deter his sister, Isis's, decorating at all.

If they thought the Motou house had a lot of crap, they hadn't seen anything yet. This was a house that had an actual woman in it.

"Look at all that waste," Bakura glared at the pretty sparkling lights outside the house.

"I know," Marik sighed as they got out of THE SLEIGH, "I figured since it was just the two of us she wouldn't really do anything... but I think she put up _more_ this year."

"This is going to take us awhile."

And it did.

THE SLEIGH was pretty much packed from their first stop and Isis probably had twice as much. They did the best they could to cram all of it in. The two were still working, and were only about halfway done, two hours later when Isis came down for a glass of water and caught them.

"What is going on down here?" she asked, then she saw that Marik was holding a string of lights and Bakura held one of her wreaths. White hot rage flashed in her eyes, "_**MARIK ISHTAR!**_"

The two couldn't move, they were like deer caught in the headlights. That is until Isis threw, and hit Marik in the face, with the closet object to her. A shoe.

"Ra - Mother fu- damn it!"

Marik fell over holding his nose and successfully tangling himself in the lights he was once holding. Bakura laughed and ducked as another shoe flew in his direction. That was his cue to leave. He grabbed Marik and the lights and carried them and the wreath out to THE SLEIGH, throwing them all in the passenger seat and climbing into the driver seat this time, pealing out of there as fast as he could.

Marik wiggled his arms out of the lights and held his nose again, leting out a slew of swears as they sped away.

"That fucking hurt!"

"That's karma, bitch," laughed Bakura, "Now suck it up, we've got one more stop."

---(--)---

**THE SLEIGH was parked** outside the front gates of the Kaiba mansion, Bakura and Marik sat in the front seat of the car chugging what was left of the Peppermint Schnapps out of the bottle before they embarked on their last part of the night.

"There's no way any of that is going to fit in here," Marik said, passing the bottle to Bakura and wiping his lips. Seto had more _outside_ his house then Yugi and Isis put together.

"Damn it, I just wanna mess with his stuff at least," Bakura growled, downing what was left in the bottle in one drink, "I need to get him back someway for what he did to my hand."

The bruised hand was still resting on the steering wheel, Marik reached over and ran his hand over it softly.

"Do you still have that spray paint?" Bakura asked, "I've got an idea."

The spirit leaned over and whispered the plan to the blonde. It basically consisted of spray painting _'SETO LOVES ATEMU' _on the side of the mansion. Childish and lame, but Bakura was drunk and tired. And, it was better then nothing.

They got out of THE SLEIGH and stumbled over to the fence that surrounded the mansion. The two of them awkwardly climbed up and over the fence with very little trouble. Bakura snorted when they were both on the ground again.

"Some defenses," the spirit said, "You'd think Kaiba would have better security then just a lame fence."

They then quickly, and not so quietly, made their way up the lawn to the front of the house. Standing by the bushes Marik dug into his bag and pulled out the can of spray paint. He handed it towards the spirit, who waved it away.

"I shall give you the honors, my dear friend," Bakura said with a grin.

"You're too kind," Marik grinned back.

He set to work, spraying the letters as big as he could. They wanted to make sure the message was visible from the road. It was easier said then done, since the blonde was really tipsy after the last bit of Peppermint Schnapps they had drank. Every time he reached up to do a top of a letter he'd almost fall over.

Marik actually only got to _'SETO LOV'_ before he lean up a little to far and ended up tumbling over into one of the lighted decorations in the front lawn.

"You ass!" Bakura laughed. Marik glared up at him for a second, but couldn't help but laugh himself. It took the two a second before they realized that there was a siren going off around the mansion and something was running in their direction.

Bakura was the first to notice, "What is that?"

Marik looked over, a pack of four-legged animals were closing in on them, barking loudly.

"He's released the hounds!" the blonde exclaimed, clambering to his feet again.

"What is he, Mr. Burns?" Bakura sneered.

"Who gives a fuck, _**run!**_"

Marik took off as fast as his drunken state would let him. It took Bakura another second or two to realize that the monstrous dogs that were approaching him were a major threat. He screamed and ran after his blonde partner.

"_Shit! Shit! Shit!_"

Marik took an awkward running leap and the fence, landing almost halfway up. The spray paint can fell to the ground without a second thought from the blonde as he scrambled up and over. By time Bakura reached the fence, Marik was already in the driver seat of THE SLEIGH and had it started.

"Come on!" Marik yelled to the spirit as he tried to climb the fence. When he got to the top he noticed the can on the ground.

"The spray paint," Bakura gasped, he made to turn back around.

"Forget it and get in the fucking car!"

Bakura jumped off the fence and dove into the back seat of THE SLEIGH, totally forgetting that they had put a pine tree in there earlier that night.

"Ra damn it!" he cursed as Marik slammed on the gas pedal and they bolted away from the Kaiba mansion and back to Ryou's house.

---(--)---

**Ryou woke with a sigh the next morning.** It was Christmas day. The best day of the year. He had planned everything out weeks ago, going to the brunch with all his friends, then spending the rest of they day with his yami. The hikari wanted to make sure that Bakura had a good day. Maybe that would help him understand the true meaning of the holiday.

He got out of bed and went to the spirits room to wake him up. But when he got to the room and saw that Bakura wasn't there, and hadn't been there all night, he got a little concerned. Ryou decided to check downstairs, maybe Bakura just fell asleep on the couch last night while watching TV.

He was half right.

Anger surged through the light as he looked into the living room. Bakura and Marik had passed out together on the couch, the spirit still clad in his red coat, Santa hat and covered in pine needles, while the blonde still had branches in his hair and spray paint all over his hand. The empty bottle of Peppermint Schnapps laid on the floor next to the coffee table.

But probably what made Ryou mad the most was the pile of his friends' Christmas decorations that had appeared in his living room over night.

The hikari was so angry that he couldn't even form a coherent sentence to express himself so he just stood in the doorway and yelled in frustration.

"Ugh... Cut it out..." Bakura groaned, moving his arm over his eyes to block out the light of the morning. Marik groaned as well and nuzzled the spirits chest.

"_No! Get up!"_ Ryou yelled, "_What is all this stuff! What did you do!"_

"Mighty Ra in heaven!" Bakura growled, "If you don't shut up, yandonushi, I'll fucking _make_ you shut up!"

"_**Get up! Get up! Get up!**_" Ryou continued to scream. This was it, this was the last straw... Ryou had finally lost his mind.

Bakura and Marik sat up and stared wide-eyed at the screaming hikari.

"What in Ra's name do you want?" Bakura asked, irritated that he had to be awake, "I have the hangover from hell."

"_I don't know exactly what you did last night, you ungrateful jerk, but you're going to get up now and clean this shit up," _Ryou shrieked, "_**I don't give a fu--**_"

The door bell rang and cut him off.

Bakura groaned and laid down again, covering his head with his arms. His head was throbbing. Ryou huffed and went to answer the door. It was Isis.

"Would a certain blonde counterpart of my brother happen to be here?" she asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," Ryou seethed.

"Oh goody," Isis grinned, "I was hoping he'd still be here. I wanted to thank him."

Ryou's mouth almost fell open, in anything those two could have done last night, he could not imagine what they could have that would merit a thanks. Isis brushed past the flabbergasted hikari and into the house.

"Oh dear Marik," Isis said in a sing-song voice as she entered the living room where Bakura and Marik had once again fallen asleep on the couch, "Mar-ik!"

The blonde looked up at his sister like she'd lost her mind.

"That was so sweet of you guys to help me take down some of my decorations," Isis smiled at them, "I know since Malik and Rishid were away I had more time to decorate. I must admit that I did get a little carried away this year. I didn't know when I'd find the time to take everything _down_ after the holidays, you guys saved me _so_ much time."

Bakura looked up too, he and Marik stared at Isis, aghast. The spirit blinked, she was _happy_ that they had taken half her stuff? She was... _thanking_ them. What was going on?

The doorbell rang again and after a few moments Jonouchi appeared in the living room as well.

"I figured that Bakura had to be behind it in someway," he said, "I'm surprised you would do such a nice thing though. I mean, it's just like the Grinch! You've reminded me of the true meaning of Christmas."

"I did what now?" Bakura asked, this wasn't like the Grinch at all. They were all supposed to be _sad_.

"I'm sorry, Ryou, that I stopped inviting you and the others over," Jonouchi said, turning to the light now, "I felt bad 'cause I didn't have anything fancy like you guys. I didn't think ya'll wanted to hang out somewhere so drab."

"Not at all Jou!" said Ryou surprised, "Christmas isn't about decorations at all, we would have been happy just getting to spend time with you. Family and friends are the true meaning of Christmas."

"I'll remember that for next year," Jonouchi nodded, "And maybe, next year, we can have the Christmas Eve party at my place?"

"For sure!"

"Now hold on just a second!" Bakura exclaimed, pushing Marik off him and getting up off the couch, "What the fu--"

The phone rang this time.

"How many people did you vandalize last night?" Ryou asked, walking to the kitchen and picking up the phone, everyone sat in silence and listened, "Hello? Kaiba? Uhh... yeah. Yeah. Yeah? _... What?_ Oh, no no, I-I can do that... uh, yeah... Merry Christmas to you too, bye...?"

Ryou came back with a shocked look on his face. No one moved until he spoke.

"That was Kaiba..." he said in disbelief of what just happened, "He... wanted to thank you..."

"_**WHAT!?**_" Everyone exclaimed at once.

"He said..." Ryou continued, "He said... that you proved there was some major flaws in his security. He's looking forward for you to try your little stunt next year and see if he can improve on it."

"He probably just wants you to get eaten by the dogs," said Marik. Bakura just gaped at the situation. He didn't even ruin anything for _Kaiba_. Why didn't this work? Where was the flaw in his plan... it had worked so well for the Grinch... Or maybe it didn't...

Bakura just remember that he hadn't, in fact, seen how it worked out with the Grinch.

"Marik," he turned to his partner, "What _did_ happen at the end of that movie?"

"Christmas came anyway," the blonde said, "And the Grinch learned that the real meaning of Christmas wasn't crappy decorations or cheap presents. It's about love."

"Why didn't you tell me that last night!" Bakura snapped.

"You didn't ask," Marik shrugged, laying back down on the couch. He, too, had an awful hangover.

Bakura fumed, he spent the whole night stealing something that couldn't be stolen.

The doorbell rang a third time. Bakura knew exactly who it was and ran to the door before anyone else moved. He threw it open and just as he thought, it was Atemu and Yugi.

"Good morning, Raider," Atemu smirked, "And a Merry Christmas to you."

"What do you want, Pharaoh?" Bakura growled.

"The other me said that you wanted everyone to come over here for brunch instead," Yugi said excitedly, "And that he let you borrow all our decorations to make it extra special!"

The small duelist beamed up at the spirit and then bounded into the house with everyone else.

"Are you fucking serious!" Bakura roared.

"What's the matter, Tomb Robber," Atemu asked, "Did your night not go as planned?"

"Shut up," Bakura grumbled, "I just wanted this stupid holiday to go away so Ryou would stop being pissy."

"Well maybe instead of trying to make it go away," Atemu said, "It would make Ryou happy if you _participate _in it. All he wants is for everyone to get along for once."

"Damn it," said the spirit, "Is he stupid? He should know we'd never get along in a million years."

"I know that, Raider," Atemu rolled his eyes, "But can't we just _pretend?_ Just for one day out of the year. It'll make the lights happy."

"Fine!" Bakura glared, "But I'm only do it for my yandonushi."

"Great," the former Pharaoh grinned, "Now, I brought you a present."

From behind his back he produced a bowl that looked like it had soggy pound cake topped with a weird icing and maroon colored lumps of what once, could have beeen, a fruit of some sort. The spirit looked down at the bowl and then back up to the former Pharaoh with a disgusted look.

"What the crap is that?"

"It's figgy pudding," Atemu said, thrusting the bowl into Bakura's hands, "You wanted some so bad Yugi looked a recipe up on his magic box last night and made it just for you."

"This. Is. Not. Pudding." Bakura said slowly, trying to figure out _what_ it was.

"You wanted it," Atemu smiled.

"This isn't pudding!" Bakura exclaimed, the other spirit laughed and pushed past him into the house.

"You wanted it!" he called back.

Bakura looked down at the bowl one more time and threw it into the yard, returning to the house as well, grumbling.

"I fucking hate this holiday."

**THE END**

**---How Bakura Stole Christmas: The Sequel**

**Part One: Bakura spends the whole day on the couch because his insides are eating him.**

**Part Two: Marik kills him with crappy pop music.---  
**


End file.
